save me from myself
by Reshop Heda
Summary: Clarke spirals out of control and hits rock bottom after the death of her father and her best friend. Thankfully, Lexa's still there for her and refuses to give up on her. But can she save Clarke before she gets herself killed? Clexa fic with background Raven/Anya. Rated M due to themes of alcohol and drug abuse.
**Hi guys, sorry for being inactive for so long, I've just had a lot going on, and I don't think anything's really going to change. So I don't think I'll be writing again for a while. Really sorry guys.**

 **Suumary: Clarke spirals out of control and hits rock bottom after the death of her father and her best friend. Thankfully, Lexa's still there for her and refuses to give up on her. But can she save Clarke before she gets herself killed? Clexa fic with background Raven/Anya.**

 **WARNING: contains themes of alcohol and drug abuse.**

 **Posting this again because I don't think it uploaded properly last time**

* * *

Lexa sat on the sofa in the living room of her's and Clarke's apartment, with her head in her hands and her phone sitting beside her.

It was just gone two in the morning and Clarke still had not come home, not that Lexa had expected her to, but she was still worried.

 _Clarke's father had died five months ago. And if that wasn't enough, her best friend, Wells, had died in a car accident less than two months later._

 _Clarke was barely managing to keep herself together after her father's death, but after Wells' death, she just snapped._

 _She'd spiralled out of control and had gotten back into the world of drugs and alcohol._

 _Lexa had known Clarke and her family since the two of them started high school. On their last year of high school, Clarke had gotten into some pretty bad stuff and had become an alcoholic. She managed to keep it quiet from everyone apart from Lexa. As much as Lexa tried to help Clarke and get the girl's life back on track, it was no use. Clarke pushed Lexa away and continued on her journey to rock bottom._

 _Things went from bad to worse when Clarke's parents went away for the weekend, still oblivious to their daughter's condition, and left her on her own._

 _Lexa came round to check on her and was horrified to find her passed out in her bedroom with a needle in her arm._

 _She'd called an ambulance and went with Clarke to the hospital, where they'd told her that Clarke had almost died of a heroin overdose. Lexa hadn't even known that Clarke had been doing drugs. She'd known about the alcohol and was constantly trying to get Clarke away from it, but drug overdose was a big step up in Clarke's apparent mission to ruin her own life._

 _Apparently the near death experience had taught Clarke something, and she'd taken Lexa's advice to get herself help. She'd told her parents about her alcoholism and her drug use and they sent her to rehab, where she'd gotten the help she needed, with Lexa remaining by her side through the whole process._

 _Clarke managed to get her life back together and had managed to get into the same college as Lexa._

 _The two bought an apartment together and their lives were going great._

 _Clarke's father had died in their last year of college and Clarke had slipped back into old habits._

 _It began with the two of them, along with their other friends, going to college parties on a friday night, where Clarke would have too much to drink and end up being taken home, drunk and exhausted._

 _It slowly progressed to Clarke going out every night to bars or parties, without Lexa or any of their friends, and getting absolutely wasted. Those nights would end with Lexa repeatedly calling her until she finally decided to answer. The brunette would eventually be able to drag Clarke's location from the blonde and she'd jump in her car and rush over to her and bring her home._

 _Fortunately Clarke had not yet got involved with drugs, but Lexa worried every night that maybe that night was the night where she found Clarke dead in an alley with a needle in her arm._

 _Lexa, Bellamy, Raven, Octavia, and even Lexa's sister Anya had all tried to knock some sense into the blonde, but Clarke was having none of it. They'd all begged her to get some help, but she constantly refused, denying there being anything wrong with her._

 _The blonde would spend most of her days, skipping her classes, sleeping on their sofa with a bottle of alcohol by her side._

 _Lexa would come home every day to find Clarke asleep on the sofa. She'd take the bottle of alcohol and tip out whatever was left into the sink. She'd then gently lift the blonde and carry her into their bedroom where she'd tuck her in and leave a glass of water on the bedside table._

Lexa pulled her head out of her hands and grabbed her phone. She knew that on some occasions Clarke would find her way to Raven and Anya's apartment, where one of them would call her to let her know she was with them.

She unlocked her phone and called Raven. It rung for quite a while before there was an answer.

"Lexa?" Raven's voice came through the phone

Lexa could hear the sleep in Raven's voice and wasn't too surprised considering it was gone two in the morning.

"Is she with you?" Lexa asked

"No. Sorry Lex, I haven't heard from her all night. She still not home yet?" The woman replied

"No. And I'm worried. She usually answers my calls or turns up at your place by now" she said

Lexa heard movement from the other end of the phone and knew that it was Anya waking up beside Raven. She could hear a muffled conversation between the two.

"What time did she leave yours?" Lexa heard the calm voice of her sister and knew that she was now on speaker phone

"Erm… about-about half 10" Lexa answered, thinking of the conversation her and Clarke had before she left

* * *

 _Lexa was sat watching tv on the sofa when Clarke walked out from their bedroom. The brunette noticed that she was fully dressed and knew that she was planning on going out._

 _Lexa sighed as Clarke grabbed her car keys from the counter and made her way to the front door_

" _It's already half 10, Clarke. Are you really going out now?" The brunette said as she got to her feet_

" _What do you think?" Clarke grumbled_

" _Just stay home tonight Clarke, please" Lexa begged_

" _Look, I won't be out long" the blonde said with a softer tone, hearing the pleading in Lexa's voice_

" _You say that every time Clarke" the brunette said quietly_

 _Clarke just sighed and turned to look at Lexa. Blue eyes catching desperate and pleading green ones. They stared at each other for about a minute before Clarke tore her gaze from Lexa and looked down at the ground._

" _I'll be back soon" the blonde said before turning to walk out._

 _Lexa rushed over to her and grabbed her arm._

" _Leave your car keys at least" she said, knowing that there was no way she could get Clarke to stay "I don't want you getting into an accident or something. Just call me when you're ready and I'll come get you"_

" _I'm just gonna have a few drinks. I'm not gonna get drunk" Clarke looked at the other woman with a sadness in her eyes. A sadness that had been there ever since her dad's death, and had only worsened after Wells'._

" _We both know that's not true Clarke" Lexa said softly_

 _Clarke sighed and avoided Lexa's eyes as she slowly placed the keys in the brunette's hand._

 _She looked back up at Lexa and knew what was coming next_

" _Please Clarke, just stay home"_

" _Just a few drinks" Clarke lied_

 _Lexa sighed and closed her eyes to keep back the tears that were threatening to fall, before relieving her grip on Clarke's arm._

 _Clarke opened the door and stepped out. Just before she pulled the door closed, she looked at Lexa._

" _I do love you Lexa. But I understand if you don't feel the same anymore" then she closed the door, before Lexa had a chance to reply._

* * *

"Okay, we're gonna come round, then we'll go find her" Anya said

Lexa nodded "O-okay. Thanks An"

"Is she driving?" Raven asked with worry in her voice

"N-no. I got her to leave the car here" the brunette replied

"Okay. That-that's good" Raven told her

"Just stay calm, okay? We'll find her" Anya assured her sister before hanging up to go get ready

* * *

Lexa called Clarke two more times. She got sent to voice mail both times.

Anya and Raven arrived only twenty minutes after she called them and they all jumped into Anya's car before heading to Clarke's usual bar.

They parked the car out front then hurried into the bar. It was empty, apart from a few people sitting by the counter.

The three walked up to the counter, where the owner was drying a glass. All three of them were quite friendly with the woman due to Clarke's frequent late night visits

* * *

 _Clarke was sitting on a stool at the counter of her usual bar. The owner was stood behind the bar pouring a drink for another customer._

" _Same again, Niylah" Clarke slurred as she pushed her empty glass towards the owner_

" _Sorry honey, I think you've had enough already" Niylah told the already far too drunk woman._

 _Clarke grumbled and stared the woman down_

" _You glaring at me is not going to change my mind, Clarke" Niylah raised an eyebrow at the other woman._

" _Fine. I'll find another bar. Maybe one that'll actually serve me" Clarke moaned as she got to her feet and began to walk slowly away from the counter_

 _Niylah looked up as she heard the bar door open. She smiled slightly as she saw who it was._

 _Lexa walked into the bar and straight up to the counter. She caught Clarke as the woman tripped over. Clarke fell against her chest and made no effort to move._

" _Come on, let's get you home" Lexa said as she lifted Clarke's arm and placed it over her own shoulders._

" _I just wanted a drink Lex. She wouldn't serve me" Clarke grumbled_

" _Thanks Niylah" Lexa looked up at the woman_

" _No problem honey" the woman smiled "You just get her home safe, okay?"_

 _Lexa nodded with a small smile._

" _Hopefully I won't see you again tomorrow Clarke" Niylah smiled as Lexa began to help Clarke out_

" _You will" Clarke mumbled as she allowed Lexa to lead her out_

* * *

"Hey Niylah" Lexa greeted the other woman with worry consuming her features

Niylah looked up at her and gave her a sympathetic look

"She not home yet?" The woman asked

Lexa shook her head sorrowfully.

"She's not been here, has she?" Raven asked

Niylah shook her head with an apologetic look "Sorry guys. I haven't seen her tonight"

"Call me if she shows up?" Lexa asked her

Niylah nodded at her

"She's lucky to have you. You know that?" Niylah told her

Lexa gave her a small appreciative smile

"Get her home safely, won't you?" The woman requested

"I will" Lexa nodded before walking towards the door, with Anya and Raven following her

The trio climbed back into the car, with Anya driving and Lexa riding shotgun. Lexa sighed and bent over and buried her head in her hands.

Anya placed a comforting hand on her back "We'll find her kid, I swear"

"Before or after she gets herself killed?" Raven said from the back seat

"It won't come to that" Anya said as she looked back at Raven. She placed her free hand on her girlfriend's knee "I promise you, both of you, that we'll find her and get her home safe and sound"

Lexa pulled her head from her hands and looked up at her sister, before nodding

"We'll just drive around for a bit. We might see her" Anya told the two as she started the car.

* * *

They drove up the road and around the corner, with Lexa and Raven looking out both sides of the car for any signs of the blonde.

"Stop!" Lexa called out as she spotted a flurry of blonde hair. Anya stopped the car almost instantly and they all looked where Lexa was looking. There was a blonde standing with a tall and skinny man in an alley. The blonde handed the man something and the man pulled a small packet of white powder out of his pocket and handed it to the blonde.

"Oh god Clarke" Lexa whispered to herself as she jumped out of the car with Anya and Raven hot on her heels.

"Hey!" Anya shouted "Get away from her, you scumbag!"

The trio reached the two and Anya yanked the man away from Clarke by his collar and threw him against the wall. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and held her tight. Clarke groaned and closed her eyes.

Lexa, remembering the packet the man had handed Clarke, quickly pulled back and looked at Clarke's hands. She saw the packet of the white powder and quickly ripped it out of the blonde's hands. She tossed it as far as she could

"Lexa" Clarke whined

Lexa grabbed Clarke's chin and looked in her eyes, checking for any signs that she'd already taken any drugs. She stared into her eyes, then moved down to the bottom of her nose to look for any signs that the blonde had already snorted something. She sighed in relief when she found nothing

"Jesus Clarke. What were you thinking?!"

Clarke groaned and whined. She closed her eyes and fell against Lexa. Her knees gave out and Lexa just managed to catch her. She grabbed Clarke's arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. Raven did the same with Clarke's other arm.

Clarke looked to her left to see who it was

"Raven!" She cried drunkenly happy

"Hey Griff" Raven said

"Now get out of here!" They heard Anya yell. They looked over to see her shove the skinny guy away. He looked back at Anya warily before sprinting away.

Anya strode over to the other girls and roughly grabbed Clarke's chin. The blonde whined and squirmed as Anya repeated the same process that Lexa had gone through. A weight lifting off her chest when she found no signs of the blonde having already taken any drugs

"God Griffin. Drugs again? Really?" She sounded unimpressed, but her voice was laced with worry as she stared into Clarke's eyes

Although Anya acted like she had no patience or care for Clarke, Lexa knew that her sister had grown to care and look out for the blonde like she was another little sister

"Where is it, Griffin?" She demanded, referring to the drugs

"I tossed it somewhere over there" Lexa answered her

"Good" Anya replied "Let's get her home. We can talk to her about this in the morning"

Lexa nodded "Come on Clarke. We got you. You're safe. I've got you" she assured her as her and Raven began to lead the blonde to the car.

"No" Clarke whined "I wanna go see Niylah" she slurred

"I think you've had enough, Griff" Raven told her softly

"I haven't seen her tonight" Clarke grumbled

"I'm sure she won't mind" Raven said with a small smile

Clarke sighed, before tilting her head to rest against Lexa's shoulder. She allowed herself to be practically carried to the car by the two women holding her.

Anya opened the back door and helped Clarke climb in. Lexa climbed in beside her and beckoned for the blonde to sit beside her. Clarke sat beside Lexa and rested her head on the brunette's shoulder. Lexa wrapped an arm around Clarke's shoulder and gently ran her fingers through the woman's hair, before pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

* * *

"I'm tired, Lex" Clarke mumbled halfway through the ride home

"Yeah, I know. We're gonna get you home, baby" Lexa told her softly

"No, not that kind of tired" Clarke told her quietly

"What do you mean Clarke?" The brunette frowned

"I'm tired of feeling like this" the blonde muttered "It's just constant pain, up here" Clarke raised her hand to point to her head "And in here" she pointed to her chest "It hurts"

Lexa's heart broke at the woman's vulnerable and broken voice

"I know Clarke. And I want to help you, I really do. But you have to let me. Because the alcohol, and the drugs, they don't help" Lexa said softly

"They do, for a little while" the blonde told her "But then the pain comes back, a little worse every time"

"That's because they're not helping Clarke. They're making it worse. You can't get better if you keep pumping yourself full of alcohol every night. You could die, Clarke" the brunette said

"Maybe then the pain will go away" Clarke mumbled

Lexa's heart shattered into pieces at the statement.

"No Clarke. No, you can't think like that-" Lexa began

"Why not? You'd be better off without me anyway"

The million pieces that Lexa's heart had shattered into managed to shatter into a million more pieces at Clarke's words

"No, I wouldn't. I'd be lost without you. I love you so much, Clarke. I can't lose you" Lexa told her

"I love you too" Clarke said quietly, her words still slurring slightly

"Let me help you then Clarke. I can help, and I want to. You just need to let me" the brunette begged her

Clarke sniffed then nodded slightly

Lexa looked down at her "Really?" She asked doubtfully

Clarke nodded again "No rehab though. I-I don't-I don't want to go back to rehab. 'Want your help"

Lexa nodded, with tears in her eyes. It wasn't the best solution, since she still believed that Clarke needed rehab, but it was a start. "You've got my help Clarke. You'll always have me"

The brunette sniffed and kissed the top of Clarke's head.

"Love you Lexa"

Lexa smiled "I love you too Clarke"

Clarke shifted slightly in Lexa's arm and allowed her eyes to droop closed out of exhaustion.

When Lexa looked down at her about a minute later, she was already fast asleep.

* * *

They pulled up outside Clarke and Lexa's apartment block and Anya went round and opened the back door. Lexa jumped out then gently lifted Clarke out and held the woman in her arms

"You want me to take her?" Anya offered

Lexa shook her head "No thanks An, I've got her"

Anya nodded and wrapped her arm around Raven's shoulders as she led them all into the building.

"Keys Lex?" Anya asked as they stopped outside the apartment.

"Yeah, one sec" Lexa said

Anya held out her arms and Lexa carefully placed Clarke in them.

She dug her keys out of her pocket and unlocked the door.

She offered to take Clarke but Anya simply shook her off and said "I've got her"

Lexa nodded and led them all into the apartment

"Bedroom or couch?" Anya asked

"Put her in the bedroom" Lexa said as she led her sister to the room.

She pulled back her duvet and readied the bed for Clarke. Anya gently lowered Clarke and placed her on the bed. Lexa carefully pulled Clarke's shoes from her feet, then pulled the covers up around her and tucked her in.

Raven came in a moment later and placed a glass of water on the bedside table for Clarke in the morning.

"Thanks Raven" Lexa gave her a small smile

Raven nodded and smiled back

The three of them headed back out into the front room and all slumped down on the sofa.

"Thanks guys, for coming to get her with me" Lexa said

"She's my best friend" Raven shrugged "There's no way I wasn't coming"

"Still though, I'm grateful" Lexa smiled at them

"No prob Lex. You know I'm here for you, both of you" Anya replied

"Thanks An" Lexa said, before a small yawn escaped her lips. "I'm gonna head to bed" she sighed "Feel free to stay over. The guest room's free" she gestured to the empty room next door to her's and Clarke's.

"Yeah, we'll probably do that" Anya said as Raven yawned beside her.

The three of them stood up and said goodnight before heading to their bedrooms.

Lexa walked into her room and quietly shut the door behind her.

She took off her shoes and her jacket, before crawling into bed beside Clarke. The blonde shifted in her sleep and turned on her side to bury her head in Lexa's chest. The brunette smiled and wrapped her arm around Clarke's waist. She kissed Clarke's forehead and prayed to god that she'd meant what she'd said about letting her help.

* * *

 **Hope you liked it :)**


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